I miss you Nepal.....sigh, America.

I haven't posted in 616 days....it seems like yesterday I was just writing my last blog, sending myself back into the wild world of America. It appears so much has changed. I live in a new town, I have a new car and a new job, I am in school to become a nurse (which I am only 10 months away from completion)....but in so many ways nothing has changed. I miss Nepal and think of the people I love there, DAILY. I feel busy, hectic, and lost in America. Luckily, I have AMAZING friends (some new and some oldies but goodies) and my family is a never-ending source of strength and drama.
America is this sore spot. Its the epitome of a love-hate relationship....I cannot live without the resources and some of the people who co-exist with me here, but America hurts me all the time.....its like an allergic reaction to chocolate I love to eat it but it makes me so sick. I struggle everyday to feel centered and focused. Do I blame this on America or my lack of concentration here? So many distractions! Bright lights, internet, television, celebrities, POLITICS (yuck!), all this plastic and fake.....I just want to reach out and feel the real. Honestly, yoga helps...good friends help...running helps. But I want to get back to me....

I lost a friend of mine recently, he went out in a blaze of glory...he couldn't have had a better death if he picked it out of a catalog. BUT! His life was what really still amazes me... he had some of the craziest intensity you could ever imagine (so intense, sadly, some people were put off by it....their loss). When he talked to you, he looked right at you and LISTENED. This sounds so simple, but how many of us stop and take time to listen to those who are talking to us? He had a phenomenal soul, that absolutely glowed. He taught me so much about how to live....he lived in Utah, but whenever he was home him and I would have deep talks. He could see the light in me....the light I saw in him, it was always someone who fanned the flames. He encouraged me to go away, and never forget where I came from....I miss you my friend. I have not forgotten the light you encouraged in me and I will return that light and I will return to Nepal. I will be back....like I said when I left, this is not good-bye....this is see you soon.

See you soon Nepal.

Final Thoughts and Days in Nepal

As many of you know today marks the end of my time in Nepal, I will be flying for the next 26 hours arriving in Michigan Wednesday morning. These last few days have been a compilation of ambivalent emotions, leaving my last placement, bungee jumping, and staying in the volunteer house with a whole NEW crew of volunteers. I have to say the most challenging part has been not having my "crew" or my usual support system at the house, not that these volunteers aren't AWESOME, but I miss Emma, Anne + Alison, Pieter, Sam, and Anne Zrenda. It is shocking how much you rely on seeing a familiar face when you come back to the volunteer house. But I think this is all the process of preparing to go home knowing those you were closest with have already departed.
I have tried many times over the last several days to express the way I feel with words in my journal, but it seems to be an impossible task to justify with myself, how can I possibly try to explain it to the masses? If you are following me from home and haven't ever been to Nepal or a place like Nepal, how will you understand how sad I am to leave? You probably see the dirt, pollution, poverty....a third world country. I see smiling faces, endless "namastes" from little children, hard working women, men holding hands with platonic affection, and a population of people that have a spirit that cannot compare to anywhere else in the world. Just today the young man running the bus, chatted with me (in broken English) about America, the world cup, and me leaving Nepal. When he dropped me at the temple I was visiting he wished me good luck and blessing, as I was walking back to the main road (which was probably 2 miles or so from the temple) he pulled over the bus just for me, I wasn't even in front of a bus stop. When we reached the main road and he dropped me off, he smiled and waved to me until he was out of sight. Where else in the world would you find people who love that much?
When I let my mind drift over my time in Nepal, I see not only faces of people I love (Shivani, Santoshi Didi, ALL the boys in Charikot, Chaturali Ahma, Prem, Emma, Pieter, Anne/Alison) but I also feel the love they gave me all over again. It fills me up and gives me the strength to come home. These images also motivate me to work hard when I get home, because I know I love this country so much I will be back as soon as I can afford it. Not only did Nepal help me find myself again, but it gave me my drive back....I am now determined to succeed, even if that means only to travel back to Nepal when I can. I worry that when I go home people will not understand this mentality and will not understand what I have experienced, but I have learned in Nepal it is about letting go and being who you ARE. I want to thank you all for following my journey and I will update this as neccessary for when I return to Nepal.

Photos of my Guys!!!

The Whole crazy crew, minus a few....did you know it takes more than one Nepali to take a photo? :)

Class 10: (back row, left to right) Birjung, Prakesh, Jagat, Luv. Then Govinda, Me, and Dilip.

Though he doesn't look like it in this photo, my jokester Govinda and I.

My main man, Birjung and I.

Om and Gita with the boys on my last night.

Their two children; son Siamip and daughter Ojashbi

Lovely Om and Gita!

In the Computer Room with Rajendra (their computer teacher) he is the one sitting at the computer.

The MOST important part of this photo is the little guy in the red cap....he was "my little man" Rameshawar. He would come and talk to me in Nepali and I would talk to him in English....we didn't understand each other but we go along GREAT!

Clockwise....Krishna (holding Ojashbi), Kal, Dilbar, Ramchandra, and Gokul.

Gokul and his little Lady, Ojashbi

Hanging out with the Guys!

This is me and Raju....my little motae (fat in Nepali) can't you see that he is alittle chunk! :)

Left to right, we have Ashok (he is just a character, we called him old man because he is going grey), Rajesh (my artist), Sabin (tour guide, showed me all the backward Nepali trails), Lalit (if you need a hug, he's your man), Sitaram, and Shambhu.

The boys...clockwise starting at the top, Sitaram, Ramchandra, Ashok, Sabin, Shambhu, Kal, Keshab, Rajesh, and Dilbar....hopefully you can pick me out :)

The walk to school.

...more cricket....

Dhendra up to "bat" or whatever you call it in cricket.

Birjung bowling

CRICKET!!! The boys LOVE sports!

Gaurishankar...Leaving a Piece of my Heart in Nepal.

I knew when I went on this last placement that it was going to be pivotal, but I didn't know when I arrived in Charikot two weeks ago how these 31 boys (ages 5-18) were going to change my life.

I arrived in Charikot at Gaurishankar Orphanage on May 25th. My dearest Shivani (my Nepali friend) took the bus with me and spent my first night there with me. The morning of her departure I met Ramchandra and he showed me the grounds and explained the different buildings to me. His shy, sweetness is one of the characteristic that made me find him immediately endearing. That first day, after the boys went off to school I got acclimated and spoke with Om about how the orphanage was run and such.

The next several days followed with particular pattern, got up, dressed and had tea. Breakfast with Om (the man who runs the orphanage), Gita (Om's wife), and Rajendra (the computer teacher)...then saw the boys off to school. While the boys were at school I helped with washing, preparing vegetables (NO cooking!) and did some much needed mending on the younger boy's clothes.

The 27th was Lord Buddha's Birthday, which meant (yay!) no school. With all the boys home I got a really good chance to start to get to know them. At this point I only knew two or three names, but within the next 4 days or so I would have all 31 names down. The afternoon of the 27th sticks out in my memory, because I joined the boys on a visit to the "village" (which is a remote farming area just below the orphanage). This is when I met and instantly loved Birjung! His smile and his charisma, and his talking made us close from the get go. He showed me all the different sights, pointing out rivers, mountains, and different villages. His English and his wealth of knowledge further impressed me.

The following Sunday and Monday, I went into Charikot with the boys to assist the principal of Gaurishankar English Boarding School (the youngest boy's school) prepare information in English for his website. On Monday, Surya (the principal) took me on a bike ride to neighboring Dolkah to show me his house and facilities for a possible teaching volunteer. He tried pretty persistently to get me to teach at his school, but I insisted that I was really content helping at the orphanage and spending time with the boys.

Over the next week, nothing exciting really happened. Which was the perfect environment for me to get to know the boys. I did not get to know all the boys that well, some of the oldest boys (in class 10) have a very intense school schedule which doesn't permit much time for chatting with some random Westerner. Also there were "middle aged" boys who English wasn't really good enough to talk to me, but they had enough inhibitions to keep from just goofing and joking around with me. My star "middle aged" boy was Kal, he was the first one of that group to introduce himself and his forward manner made up for his (sometimes) hard to understand English. There were only a handful of the boys who did not really get a special bond with me, all of the others I got to know quite well in two weeks at Gaurishankar....this made it nearly impossible to leave today. Each one of these boys has a special, unique, personality that combines all of the characteristics I love most about Nepali people just with a different composition in each boy. These boys were all kind (Krishna,always with a sweet smile on his face), gentle (Gokul, always caring for his little woman Ojashbi), more than hospitable (Abhishek, peeking into my room to make sure I am comfortable), funny loving (Govinda, arm wrestling and telling jokes), and welcoming (Lalit, always there with a hug and a smile). There was never any judgment and rarely a moment of hesitation when getting to know me. Sitting here writing this I can see each one of their faces and think of how we had a connection or bonded over something.

I can't begin to express how blessed I feel to have met not only the boys, but there caregivers Om and Gita along with the three dais who helped cook and clean. Om and Gita are a phenomenal couple, who have had the strength and wisdom to let these boys grow up inspired and educated. Om would always joke with me that the boys spoke better English than he did...don't tell him, but some of the boys did :). The dais (brothers) who helped cook and clean for the boys, did not speak English, but that did not stop us from finding creative ways to speak to each other (with smiles and silent "namaste") when there wasn't a converter (aka translator) to be found.

The group of people that I spent the last two weeks with redefined for me the meaning of family. If you were to ask any of the boys they would tell you that they see Om as a father and every other boy as one of their brothers. Many of them told me that even if they have to get their final education in Kathmandu, that they will come back to Charikot because this is where their family is. Some of these boys are true orphans (meaning both parents are dead), but many of them are fatality of second marriage orphans. In Nepal when a woman loses her husband and she has small children, if she decides to re-marry her new husband may ask her to abandon her children from her previous marriage. This is custom is commonly accepted in Nepal, and many of the boys at the orphanage are second marriage orphans. Even with this heavy burdens to bear from difficult backgrounds, it is rare to see them without a smile on their face and affectionate hug or snuggle to dole out.

As Birjung walked me to the bus park this morning, a million memories were running through my mind and I was desperately trying to hang on to each one. Birjung in his usual way, was very calm cool and collected...helped me get my bus ticket and find my seat on the bus. He chatted easily with me about school, when/where the bus would stop for lunch, and what music I should listen to on my ride. I think he was trying to put off he inevitable fact that he was going to have to leave me. Eventually we hugged, both near tears...he said he HAD to get to school and off he went. I sat on the bus trying not to cry waiting for the bus to leave for Kathmandu (which wasn't suppose to be for another 15 minutes) when all the sudden Govinda's face with his goofy crooked smile pops up in my window. I couldn't help but laugh! He chatted with me, told me jokes and was just his goofy little self...he talks with his hands so to watch him tell jokes or stories he is VERY animated. He kept me preoccupied until the bus took off....leaning out the window, I could see Govinda and Birjung standing in the street waving until I was out of sight. That is memory I do not want to forget.

As I conclude this entry, I feel at peace leaving the boys today only because I know I will return and see them again. When you invest in people so special and they return that investment with so much love and affection, how can you not feel like you have left a little part of yourself with them. I feel like when I left Gaurishankar today I left a little piece of my heart with each one of the boys. Only will I really feel that loved when we are all together again.

Last Placement....Reality is sinking in.

Tomorrow morning I am going on my last placement, which a boys orphanage called Guarishankar in a village (Charikot) east of Kathmandu. I am really excited to go on this particular placement because the last volunteer to be placed there had an absolutely phenomenal time. The boys sound fun and sweet, I have some fun plans and taking treats for them to enjoy as well.
Today while I was writing in my journal it hit me....I am going home in three short weeks. The realization took my breath away. As much as I have missed my family and friends, the thought of leaving a place I have begun to call home is overwhelming. Nepal is such a special place it is really hard to put into words. It is a rarity to find other places in the world (especially the US) where there is such a sense of community everyone calls one another brother (dai) and sister (didi). Or you walk down the street and complete strangers say "Namaste" (Nepali equivalent to hello, direct translation is "go with God" I believe), could you imagine what would happen if I came home and told TOTAL strangers to "go with God." They would commit me to the psych ward! Nepali people are unique to any other nationality, they are unconditionally generous, hospitable, and affectionate (ofcourse there are bad apples, but most are AMAZING). My Santoshi didi (the young lady who lives with us and cooks/cleans) will sit and practice her English with me, but if not we just share a cup of tea and a hug. She is SO sweet....once she actually patted my belly, ha! Here's another example of Nepali people being AWESOME. I was taking a cab...stuck in traffic ofcourse and starting to feel frustrated. I look at the man sitting with his daughter on the street next to me. He looked at me smiling, then he took his daughter's hand put them in the prayer position and had her practice her "Namaste" with me. It was too cute! Nepal is constantly giving back to me in the smallest ways, how will it be when I get home? Will I be open enough to find those special moments in the states as well? One can only hope.
As for now, I am focusing on staying present. I want to be in EVERY moment I have left in Nepal. This place is so PHENOMENAL I want to soak it all up and take it home with me. Three weeks sounds like a lifetime to everyone at home, for me it will be a blink of an eye. With that I am off to Guarishankar, another chance to have a new exciting experience in Nepal.

Pokhara Pics!

Me outside the monastery.

Boys! Being Boys! Love it!

The "magic" tree....I believe in magic, do you?

View from the monastery.

Our personal photographer of the day!

Walking to the monastery...how sweet, holding hands!

The VOLCANO!

The Tahara boys working hard on their paper mache.

Sun after the SUPER intense rain storms of Pokhara.

Every cloud has a sliver lining...

My Love.....Pokhara

Unlike volunteering, rafting, or trekking going to Pokhara is all about chilling. Pokhara is a hippy mini-town settled at the base of the Annapurnas overlooking Phewa Tal (this GIANT lake), they have HUGE trees set in the pavement in the middle of the road, everyone walks slow, drinks anytime a day....just sitting looking at the lake.
My first few days in Pokhara I hung out with my American/Israeli girlfriend, Shira. It was FABulous just to hang out with her and have girl time. I went shopping with her (do NOT worry family, it was souvenirs for you!), drinking coffee, gossiping and people watching. Did I mention that there is an over population of fake "Thamel-hippy freaks." This particular type of freak is an individual (male or female) wearing a sarong/skirt, generally clothes clash TERRIBLY with bright patterned ugliness, almost certainly shoe-less wonder, their hair will either be EXTREMELY dirty or contain 1 to several dreadlocks(s)....Yes! I have seen someone with just one dread! What is so special about some of these freaks is there is levels to commitment to their look. Some of the freaks you know when they go home, they shower, cut their hair, and put shoes and blue jeans on....then there are the crazies you dress like that ALL the time. I have yet to decide which group is more weird. But just to be clear, I more frequently freak watch with Emma as opposed to Shira. (Love you Em!)
Shira's last night in Pokhara, Emma, Elliot (really sweet random Brit, I love Brits!), and I all went out for a fun night on Lakeside. We had really good food AND drinks, TONS of girl talk about guys, travelling, religion, etc. The next morning after Shira left, Emma helped me move hotels so I wouldn't have to walk so far in the dark to my hotel....I got a GREAT hotel with attached bathroom (Yeh....here some "hotels" come without bathrooms) for 250 rupees a night (which is about $3 USD). I thought I was hung over, but within the next 12 hours I realized I was sick.....UGH! Being sick in Asia, sucks! No worries, a day or so in bed and some antibiotics, I was all good.
My last day or so I spent hanging out with Emma, because once leaving Pokhara I don't know when I will see Emma again....Bummer! Friday, I (luckily) spent the day with Emma and some other volunteers at a small boy's home in Pokhara. Honestly, Nepali miracle I met up with Emma at all...we had a meeting point (which I ofcourse had forgotten....ooops!), and I was on a bus back to my hotel and I spotted her from the bus, jumped off the bus and met up with her. Phew!
The boy's home in Pokhara (Tahara) has 10 boys (ages 9-11ish) and they are so funny and spunky....it really makes me excited to go on my last placement which is a boy's home as well. Emma was supervising the construction of a paper mache volcano, which they would be erupting on Saturday. This whole process went EXTREMELY smooth for 9 boys with glue and paper. When construction was complete the boys, their parents, and the volunteers all took a visit to the monastery. As we walked there the boys showed off their cartwheels and fighting moves, as well as explaining the "magic" tree that has God inside. Hmmm....God inside a tree, maybe a first for me. It was ADORABLE one of the boys had a very serious conversation with me about touching the tree and then giving God (Buddha) your thoughts....it was too cute. It was even better when he and I actually "prayed" to the tree, we both stood there eyes shut, hand upon the tree, telling the God inside our thoughts. Such strong spirituality in such a little person it was awesome, and I prayed for one of my friends who is in India.
Then off to the monastery, which was absolutely beautiful. But for me the best part was, when we arrived the monks were having service and Samilia (the boy's mother) took me into the monastery so I could listen. Wow! There aren't words. But if God was anywhere, he was there that day. The pulse was tangible. Parting with the boys, there were BIG hugs (squeeze plays by any standards, Dad!) and goodbyes all around. Off to Lakeside for my last night in town.....
Dinner with Elliot, John and Olivia (father/daughter duo from Australia, volunteering....cool pair!), Erica (American volunteer), Emma and I. I had some yummy chicken and several drinks....luckily, people had to get off to bed and soon enough it was just Emma and I....our last night together. We went and chatted a quiet bar (which is almost virtually impossible to find in Nepal, for some reason they think Westerners LOVE loud music?), but we called it an early night as well because I had to catch the bus in the morning. On our way home the BEST chocolate phenomenon EVER graced us with its presence...a Lion bar!!! It was the perfect way to end my last night with Emma.
In the morning, hugs and kisses goodbye to Emma....bus back to Kathmandu totally uneventful which is really rare from Nepal. Now I am just preparing for going on to my last placement, Charicot, which is a boy's home. I really excited to be back out there volunteering after almost a month of sight-seeing, trekking, rafting and such. Look forward to hearing adventures of placement (cold water, crappy toilets, etc.), until then.